Coming To Terms With a Stereotypical Family

I’m honored to be over at The Mudroom Blog today. Their theme this month is Adoption and Foster Care and I was surprised to find that I had something to say about it. While it’s not in our plan right at this moment, one thing I’m learning about planning my family is that there is no plan – only trust and grace. Here’s an excerpt. I hope you’ll head over to The Mudroom to join the conversation!

When I was Planning Out My Life in my twenties, I assumed I would:

  1. Get married
  2. Adopt a puppy
  3. Have 2 biological kids
  4. Foster and/or adopt another kid or two
  5. Live Happily Ever After

I got married and we soon adopted a puppy. Three years later, we gave birth to our first daughter and three years (almost to the day) after that, our second daughter was born. We’re at a place with our youngest that, if I was to go by my original schedule, we should start filling out paperwork and taking preparation classes to explore foster care and adoption. This is what we should do. We are fairly stable, fairly well-educated, mostly good parents. Shouldn’t we be saving the unwanted children?

But whenever I put aside my savior complex (because, of course, fostering and adoption must be so much bigger and deeper than that) I still can’t bring myself to fill out the paperwork because of one big reason. I’m tired. Having two young kids is tiring. (I know, I know. Try filling a minivan before talking about exhaustion!)

I’m embarrassed that only two kids makes me too tired to want to add to our family—either biologically or through foster care. I’m embarrassed that I’m eagerly awaiting the arrival of preschool next year, when I can claim two mornings a week for myself. I’m embarrassed that I’m not digging deeper into an unwavering capacity in God’s energy.

For a long time, I felt proud of our family plan. And maybe that’s why it feels too overwhelming now. Read the rest over at The Mudroom and join the conversation there!

Did you map out your family plan? How has it changed? What have you learned from those changes?

2 thoughts on “Coming To Terms With a Stereotypical Family

  1. It is so important that you are listening to yourself. Adoption is complex and can be very draining, children come to the table with different issues and traumas that your biological children do not have. Take your time, when it is time, you’ll feel it. And heck, when does life actually turn out the way we plan it right? 😉

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Brooke! I need to remember that there is no time limit, right? And God’s plans are always so much fuller than I could imagine… (Letting go is hard, though!) 😉

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