When we moved into our new house, we went from a tiny little ranch with only an extended one car garage for storage to a space with two full size storage rooms. We decided to only use one – we still don’t have enough overflow stuff to take up the space and I’m not organized enough to remember where everything is spread out.
The second space is right off our basement stairs, so we keep our wine and home-brewed beer in it since it’s convenient and cool. I used to think nothing of going downstairs to grab a bottle for dinner until one day I came across a dead mouse.
I abandoned my wine mission and ran shrieking upstairs. Frank dropped his dinner prep and came running – I’m usually not so easily freaked out. When he found out the commotion was about a mouse, he got a twinkle in his eyes. Frank loves playing into the traditional “male” roles – opening jars, moving heavy furniture, and taking care of icky rodents.
Last week, I wrote about wanting to raise daughters who open their own doors. And, I do. But not so much out of pure gender equality (though that’s part of it.) I want to raise kind, considerate humans who help other humans because they need help. Not because of their gender. I appreciate doors being held for me, especially when I’m loaded down with babies and groceries or books, but from anyone – old, young, men, or women. I appreciate the help because we all need help sometimes.
I appreciate that my daughters are being raised in a home where Frank is the chef – he loves cooking and experimenting and makes sure to include Bea and Elle as his sous chefs. I cook, too, and the girls see that, but they see that both of us contribute to our family’s nutrition. We try to emphasize the fact that each of us do certain things because we’re good at them or enjoy them, not because of a gendered prescription.
I still don’t like going into the “mouse room,” as our storage room is now called. It will always be Frank’s job to deal with rodents in and around our home. And, I’m ok with my girls seeing that. I want them to know that when mom can’t do something, dad helps. But, I don’t want it to stop there. I want them to see the reciprocity of our relationship and the acknowledgement that we each have strengths and we all need help.
For me, that’s the key in raising strong, independent women. It’s not teaching them to never ask for help or to be too proud to accept help. It’s raising them to know how and when to ask; how to be gracious when help is offered; and how to say no when they truly don’t need or want help.
What is something you hate dealing with on your own? What areas are you most likely to ask for help?