When Bea was born, I transitioned to the role of motherhood fairly easily. Yes, there were tears over lack of sleep and anxiety over doing it right, but in reality we had it good. For her first year, we snuggled and stayed close to home.
As she grew more independent and I grew more confident, we hit a good stride. Our days started to fill up and I felt like I was able to find a good balance between being a stay-at-home mom and fulfilling my own goals and needs. I got a part-time job that combined several of my passions and fit our schedule perfectly; I became a leader with my MOPS group; I was successfully part of three book clubs; we continued to volunteer at church. On paper, it looked like I had learned how to balance life beautifully and in many ways, it was true.
When Elle arrived this summer, things changed. They shouldn’t have. Elle is such an easy-going, happy baby. It should have been easy to incorporate her seamlessly into our established routine.
In reality, the transition to two has been harder than I’d like to admit. Harder because as great a sleeper and as content as Elle is, she’s still a baby. Our nights are not as restful as they could be and she still has her own needs with our schedule. Plus, Bea has needed so much more in the midst of our new normal.
I tried so hard to keep everything perfect and together. And as I did, I felt myself slipping into self-criticism and anxiety. Why couldn’t I keep all my commitments and fulfill them perfectly? Slowly, I’ve had to step back from certain things and really weigh my “yeses.”
I’ve had to swallow my pride often to say “no” and to recognize that certain commitments aren’t feasible at this time. I know for outsiders, this is healthy and there’s no judgement. Internally, I was judging myself and my abilities.
As the year ended, I decided I wasn’t going to pick One Word for 2016. Or that my one word would be survive. At a particularly low moment, I felt a stirring and the word enough came to my mind.
You are enough.
I am enough of a mom. Enough of a wife. Enough of a volunteer, a friend, an employee, a reader, a blogger. I am enough for any or no labels. I am enough.
So, I guess I will choose a word for this year. And it feels humbling to have to say it out loud. My word is enough. Because I am.
If you could choose one word for this coming year, what would it be?
Check out OneWord365 for word ideas and to find others with your same word.