Recently, I had one of those days. When junior high insecurities surface. When I felt unloved, unappreciated and unsure of how I fit into my community. Add those feelings to being nearly 8-months pregnant, and I allowed myself a good pity party.
As I got in bed that night, I opened my Common Prayer to read the nightly Compline prayer. Instead, I flipped to this:
Deliver me, O Jesus,
from the desire to be esteemed,
from the desire to be loved,
from the desire to be honored,
from the desire to be praised,
from the desire to be preferred to others,
from the desire to be consulted,
from the desire to be approved,
and from the desire to be popular.
The prayer went on, asking for deliverance from fears and asking that,
in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I decrease…
that others may be preferred to me in everything…
The prayer reminded me of all the feelings I thought I had outgrown. That junior high insecurities last into my thirties. And that community isn’t perfect. That even though I may feel let down on occasion, the point is not to do it to raise myself – to be loved or honored or popular – but to serve others, to lift them up, and to show them that they are loved.
Linked with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing.