Recently, I had one of those days. When junior high insecurities surface. When I felt unloved, unappreciated and unsure of how I fit into my community. Add those feelings to being nearly 8-months pregnant, and I allowed myself a good pity party.
As I got in bed that night, I opened my Common Prayer to read the nightly Compline prayer. Instead, I flipped to this:
Deliver me, O Jesus,
from the desire to be esteemed,
from the desire to be loved,
from the desire to be honored,
from the desire to be praised,
from the desire to be preferred to others,
from the desire to be consulted,
from the desire to be approved,
and from the desire to be popular.
The prayer went on, asking for deliverance from fears and asking that,
in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I decrease…
that others may be preferred to me in everything…
The prayer reminded me of all the feelings I thought I had outgrown. That junior high insecurities last into my thirties. And that community isn’t perfect. That even though I may feel let down on occasion, the point is not to do it to raise myself – to be loved or honored or popular – but to serve others, to lift them up, and to show them that they are loved.
Linked with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing.
Annie Rim 
What a beautiful prayer and one I needed to pray over myself this morning. So glad I stopped by from the Five Minute Friday.
I’m glad, Barbie! Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for an important reminder. We should raise Him up. 🙂
Exactly, though sometimes not my first response. Thankful for reminders!
Annie, you are enough and you are loved. I think its so easy for those jr high insecurities to creep back in. Yet God calls us to trust and follow him who knows every hair upon our head. Love Ya friend!!
Thank you for your encouragement!! So grateful for a God who cares about the tiniest of details.
I love your fix for those insecurities. . . focus on and lift others up for their sakes, not for ours. I’ve struggled with these same insecurities more times than I’ll ever admit. When I’m in a “good place” I also remind myself about the truths God’s teaching me about how He views me. Then, when I hit those bad stretches, those truths can come to mind and help me move beyond the insecurities sooner.
Loved your vulnerability today. Thanks for sharing!
That’s the discipline piece, right? Preparing me for when I naturally don’t first turn to the truths I know…
Isn’t it amazing how the Spirit always leads you to what you need? Thanks for sharing Annie.
Thanks, Colline! I think that’s the most amazing thing – how God shows up so clearly in this midst of everything.
A beautiful, but difficult prayer. I appreciate your honesty in your writings.
Thanks, Debby!