September was a rough month for us. The biggest reason is that it started with a miscarriage. As far as they go, this was a healthy, “normal” miscarriage and it followed almost exactly what our doctor suggested we could expect. In that sense, it was a relief: Nothing terribly wrong, just a statistic of pregnancy. Of course, it was still devastating as we mourned the loss of someone we were so excited for. And there are still days when that sadness comes, unexpectedly.
What I am most amazed by from this experience is the care we received. I was hesitant to share the news – it hurt and it seemed so awkward to tell people. I do have a couple friends who have suffered miscarriages and I immediately reached out to them. They quickly came to us, taking care of us. Beyond the promise of I’ll be praying for you, they brought meals and asked questions, and dug into our story. They knew how to draw me out and knew how to process the experience with me.
Through this, I learned so much about community. That our friends want to share life with us – not just in the happy moments but in these tough moments. That it takes vulnerability to not only talk about sad events but to accept help offered. I wanted to do it on my own – to not accept play dates or help, but I quickly realized that this is a real loss and it’s ok to let others care for me.
Above all, I learned the incredible value of community. I learned that it is worth the time and effort to create space for others, to let them in, and to walk together through all of the experiences life gives us.
I find it easy to give care but harder to receive it. How about you? Are you more comfortable giving care or have you learned the art of receiving, as well?
Linked with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing.